My name is Linda Allman

          and this is my story....

You may know or recognize me because I am on staff as part of the Operations Team here at Orchard Hill Church. I was introduced to Orchard Hill by my brother, Joe, who is also part of the Operations Team and his wife, Katie. The staff here on the hill are lovely and I am honored to be among them.

I was born and raised in the South Hills of Pittsburgh, into a typical Italian family of which I am the oldest girl of four children. My early life was either unremarkable or traumatic because I have little recall of what it was really like. My guess is unremarkable. I do remember feeling unimportant in the scheme of things, so I usually just stood back and did what I was told. Except for my dad, we all went to church faithfully every Sunday. It was a duty I didn't mind. I loved and feared God and was confident that I would go to heaven when I died because I never missed church and I was fairly obedient to my parents.

When I was about 10 years old, my mother began to experience various conditions that required her to spend time in the hospital. Even when she was at home, she was in bed much of the time due to her illness. Although we had help from relatives and neighbors, there were many responsibilities around the house that were added to my list. I was only 10 years old, so I wasn't emotionally prepared for the stress of my mother's illness or physically ready to assume the additional work. Mom struggled for about three years. She was finally overcome with liver cancer and died when I was only 13 years old.

Many things changed in our daily lives. We had no anchor in our home. Dad had always worked 12 to 14 hours a day and that didn't change. I became resentful of his dedication to his work instead of us. He didn't understand how inadequate and overwhelmed I felt. No matter how hard I tried, he never seemed pleased with me.

Grandma spent much more time with us, though. She would be there many times when we got home from school. She cooked and generally kept us out of trouble. She also watched soap operas every afternoon. I began to sit with her as she would explain all that was going on in the lives of these fictional characters. I was intrigued by these crazy people and thought the romance I saw on the screen was something I would like to experience. I would race home from the bus stop because I couldn't wait to see what would happen next. This was the beginning of a 35-year habit that fed my mind daily with sexual immorality, unfaithfulness, lies, deceit and many ungodly thoughts and ideas. Of course I understood that real people didn't live that way. Between these soaps and the dirty jokes I heard at school, I got my sex education.

In the next year, I started to go out with friends to football and basketball games. On the weekends I would sneak out to the local teen dance hall. I loved to dance with the boys - so romantic, you know. I thought it wise to make some rules to live by. Some rules were dad's, some were straight from God and the majority were ones I made up as I saw necessary - those were the most important ones. I had a few boyfriends. At the age of 16, I met the boy I would eventually marry. We got to know and love each other very quickly and his family loved me too. They provided a security I hadn't known for some time. It was all very romantic. The romance wasn't enough and, after awhile, we slowly began to break the rules, one at a time. This caused a lot of turmoil for me and, therefore, trouble between us many times. I was filled with guilt and shame over what we were doing. Even during the 3 ½ years we dated, I met a boy and later a man that I worked with which stirred my desire for romance. This time it was more powerful and I struggled to keep from giving into the temptation to act out these daydreams. But I didn't break any of the rules and I didn't tell a soul.

We were married at 19, mainly because I was afraid that if we waited any longer, we wouldn't have a choice. Shortly after we were married, we attended a Billy Graham Crusade. The message was life-changing and on that evening we both began a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. We found a church and became very involved right away. Our lives had changed dramatically – we went to church several times a week, I taught Sunday school, we studied the Bible and prayed together. Despite this new found dedication to God, I still left that door to the romantic daydreams open just a crack.

Through the next 8 years, there were children, job losses, good fun, family crises, financial troubles, sickness, death, friends, parties, an unfaithful husband, cancer, hospitals, you know, things that can happen through the course life. Despite the difficulties, my faith grew through all of the trials and I was thankful for the grace of God that saw me through. Although I brought many things to God in prayer, I never asked Him to take that daydreaming thing away. I didn't want to let it go – it had become a source of escape.

A conflict arose in our church and regretfully we decided to leave. Without a church family for support, I had no one to guide me in my spiritual growth or hold me accountable to make wise choices. Soon other activities and people filled our time. Slowly but surely God wasn't the center of my life anymore. I was.

From the time I was a teen until I was in my early thirties, the opportunities to act out my daydreams of romance were many. I would swear that I was faithful, but I had unfaithfulness in my heart. I was very judgmental of others and spoke out boldly against those who were unfaithful. I was proud of myself for not succumbing to those temptations. But I have learned the hard way that, "Pride comes before the fall." It is difficult for me to speak of the things I did and the lives that changed after making a clear decision to act out the daydreams of my heart. One thing led to another and soon I went beyond the dreams. This fall on my part resulted in the end of my 17-year marriage.

During the time of my second marriage, through a good Christian friend, I learned more about the love God has for me. I began to seek Him with all my heart to experience that love. He showed me that only through Him could I find what I was really looking for. It wasn't the romance of a love affair with a man that I needed, but an intimate relationship with God that would satisfy the hunger in my soul. He poured out His love on me.

When I shut the door on my sin, He was waiting to forgive me. He always loved me and never left me. Jesus is The Faithful One. He changed my heart and gave me the desires of His heart, setting me free from the sin that had me bound for a large part of my life. No more immorality. No more unfaithfulness. No more soap operas. No more substituting the false dreams of a fictional romance for the true love I have found in a living God. My name is Linda Allman and this is my story.