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My name is Cordy Glenn,
and this is my story...
I have considered myself a Christian for as long as I can remember. I grew up in Sewickley in a loving and supportive home and had a very happy childhood. My family attended St. Stephen's, the church out of which Orchard Hill ultimately grew. There, I learned from a very young age about God's love for me. I was involved in the kids' and youth ministries there, going to Sunday school, attending summer camps, Bible studies, going on trips—even to Haiti. It was at one of those summer camps that I entered into a relationship with Christ. During my high school years, my family joined others from St. Stephen's to start Orchard Hill—and I have been here ever since. I guess I was a good kid—living within the boundaries that my parents set for me and never getting into any real trouble: unless you count the food fight in 5th grade and the occasional detention in high school for chewing gum in French class. I did what I was supposed to do.
Then there was college. Once there—away from the support of my family and friends, I discovered I wasn't really comfortable with who I was…or who I perceived myself to be. Instead of turning to God, I tried it my own way. Soon, I engaged in things I never dreamt of in high school – the party scene and the self-serving lifestyle that went along with it. I knew my behavior was wrong, but I so wanted to fit in. I hadn't rejected my faith—I still believed in all the things I had learned earlier. I thought, "God will always be there and I know that he will ultimately forgive me, so this is my time." Though there were consequences to my decisions, I worked hard, got good grades, graduated, and, after working for a while, ultimately moved on to law school. During my 3rd year of law school, I was offered a great job back home and everything seemed set, but, contrary to what people may have seen from the outside, I still didn't really feel comfortable in my own skin. I certainly didn't feel peace—and I couldn't figure out why, nor did I really want to.
When I returned to Pittsburgh following law school, that's when my growth really began – but it was gradual. I plugged back in at church—worshipping, participating in a small group, and serving. I got involved in a relationship that I thought would lead to marriage, but when that fell apart in a very painful way, I was forced to really take a look at myself. What I realized was that I never felt entirely secure with myself because, despite having wonderful parents, great friends, a good job, and a comfortable life, I never felt like I was good enough. I knew that I was loved, but I didn't feel lovable. To compensate, I felt I needed to be everything to everyone—even if it meant sacrificing my own well-being. While I found it very easy to go to God with thanks when something good happened, I found it very difficult to go to Him for help in times of difficulty. I thought that I had to solve everything on my own and if I couldn't, that was just further proof that I wasn't good enough. I could never find peace living like that.
Eventually, I returned to the basic message I learned as a kid. God loves me—and his love isn't conditional—He just loves me wherever I am, even if I feel that I am not good enough and don't deserve it. Because of that love, God sacrificed His Son, Jesus Christ, so I could be made whole again. He wants to have a relationship with me, and his love and grace are a gift that I don't have to earn—I only need to embrace it. When I truly believed that—when I went beyond believing it intellectually in my head to really accepting that gift in my heart—I experienced the transforming power that God's love has. My sense of self-worth no longer depended on what I did—being a perfect daughter, sister, friend, or lawyer—but on who God is and what He has already done. And my perspective on so many things changed, including the Bible. What I previously viewed as a set of rules that I tried to follow because I was supposed to, I now saw as a framework for living that was there to help me and that I followed because I wanted to. Those realizations brought such freedom and peace.
I'm thankful I can look to God for answers and call on Him for strength. I've certainly experienced the pain that trying to do it on my own brings. I will always be a work in progress. I still have moments when I wrestle with feelings of inadequacy, but I recognize God is working in my life and I look forward to the rest of the journey. My name is Cordy Glenn and this is my story.
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