I have considered myself a Christian for as long as I can remember. I grew up in Sewickley in a loving and supportive home and had a very happy childhood. My family attended St. Stephen's, the church out of which Orchard Hill ultimately grew. There, I learned from a very young age about God's love for me. I was involved in the kids' and youth ministries there, going to Sunday school, attending summer camps, Bible studies, going on trips-even to Haiti.  It was at one of those summer camps that I entered into a relationship with Christ.  During my high school years, my family joined others from St. Stephen's to start Orchard Hill-and I have been here ever since. I guess I was a good kid-living within the boundaries that my parents set for me and never getting into any real trouble: unless you count the food fight in 5th grade and the occasional detention in high school for chewing gum in French class. I did what I was supposed to do.

Then there was college. Once there-away from the support of my family and friends, I discovered I wasn't really comfortable with who I was...or who I perceived myself to be. Instead of turning to God, I tried it my own way. Soon, I engaged in things I never dreamt of in high school-the party scene and the self-serving lifestyle that went along with it. I knew my behavior was wrong, but I so wanted to fit in. I hadn't rejected my faith-I still believed in all the things I had learned earlier. I thought, "God will always be there and I know that he will ultimately forgive me, so this is my time." Though there were consequences to my decisions, I worked hard, got good grades, graduated, and, after working for a while, ultimately moved on to law school. During my 3rd year of law school, I was offered a great job back home and everything seemed set, but, contrary to what people may have seen from the outside, I still didn't really feel comfortable in my own skin. I certainly didn't feel peace-and I couldn't figure out why, nor did I really want to.
 
When I returned to Pittsburgh following law school, that's when my growth really began-but it was gradual. I plugged back in at church-worshipping, participating in a small group, and serving. I got involved in a relationship that I thought would lead to marriage, but when that fell apart in a very painful way, I was forced to really take a look at myself. What I realized was that I never felt entirely secure with myself because, despite having wonderful parents, great friends, a good job, and a comfortable life, I never felt like I was good enough. I knew that I was loved, but I didn't feel lovable.  To compensate, I felt I needed to be everything to everyone-even if it meant sacrificing my own well-being. While I found it very easy to go to God with thanks when something good happened, I found it very difficult to go to Him for help in times of difficulty.  I thought that I had to solve everything on my own and if I couldn't, that was just further proof that I wasn't good enough. I could never find peace living like that.

Eventually, I returned to the basic message I learned as a kid. God loves me-and his love isn't conditional-He just loves me wherever I am, even if I feel that I am not good enough and don't deserve it. Because of that love, God sacrificed His Son, Jesus Christ, so I could be made whole again. He wants to have a relationship with me, and his love and grace are a gift that I don't have to earn-I only need to embrace it.  When I truly believed that-when I went beyond believing it intellectually in my head to really accepting that gift in my heart-I experienced the transforming power that God's love has.  My sense of self-worth no longer depended on what I did-being a perfect daughter, sister, friend, or lawyer-but on who God is and what He has already done.  And my perspective on so many things changed, including the Bible. What I previously viewed as a set of rules that I tried to follow because I was supposed to, I now saw as a framework for living that was there to help me and that I followed because I wanted to. Those realizations brought such freedom and peace.

I'm thankful I can look to God for answers and call on Him for strength. I've certainly experienced the pain that trying to do it on my own brings. I will always be a work in progress. I still have moments when I wrestle with feelings of inadequacy, but I recognize God is working in my life and I look forward to the rest of the journey. My name is Cordy Glenn and this is my story.