Experience of Grace #3 - Married to Christ
Description
Russ Brasher walks through Romans 7:1–13 to show that believers are no longer bound to the law but joined to Jesus — set free to live in grace rather than rules. Discover why striving to earn what God has already freely given keeps you from the relationship you were made for.
Summary & Application
Why We Need to Live in Grace, Not in Rules
On a warm Thursday during the NFL Draft in downtown Pittsburgh, Russ watched his sons stand outside the church with a sign that read "Free Water — Orchard Hill." Despite the heat, despite the clear offer, despite the kids' enthusiastic shouts, something strange happened: about half the people who walked by refused to take a bottle of water unless they could pay for it.
"It was almost like I could hear their inner thoughts," Russ shared in his message on Romans 7:1–13. "There's no such thing as something free in life, and if it is free, it can't be trusted."
If we struggle to accept a free bottle of water from kids on a hot day, how much more do we struggle to accept the free gift of God's grace? That question framed Russ's central point: if we are to experience grace, we need to live in grace, not in rules.
The Foundation: A Free Gift We Could Never Earn
Before we can understand Romans 7, we have to settle Romans 6:23 in our hearts:
"For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." - Romans 6:23
We were created to be in relationship with God — to find our purpose, value, and meaning in him. But sin entered the world when humanity turned away to be its own god. The resulting barrier between us and God is infinitely wide, deep, and tall, and no amount of rule-keeping could remove it. Only the cross could. Jesus paid the price we could never pay so that we could return to relationship with the Father.
That's the posture from which Paul writes Romans 7. He's speaking to people who have already crossed that threshold — and warning them not to slide back into rule-keeping.
Romans 7:1–6 — You Are No Longer Married to the Law
Paul uses a marriage illustration: just as a wife is bound to her husband only as long as he lives, we were bound to the law only until Christ's death set us free.
"So, my brothers and sisters, you also died to the law through the body of Christ, that you might belong to another — to him who was raised from the dead — in order that we might bear fruit for God." - Romans 7:4
The law itself isn't bad. It was given so we could understand the character of God and how to live in a way that glorifies him. But the law was never designed to save us — it was designed to point us to our need for a Savior.
Russ quoted Tim Keller to bring this home:
"Before you were a Christian, the law was a necessary evil. Now the law becomes the way to please the one who lived and died for you... When you become a Christian, what happens is you die to the law. The law is no longer the way of salvation. Instead, the law now becomes the way to please the one you're married to."
To keep performing for God after the cross is to tell him, "I'd rather live by rules than receive your grace." It's essentially saying his Son died for nothing.
The Anniversary That Almost Wasn't
Russ illustrated this with a story from his first wedding anniversary. Newly married and broke from full-time ministry, he was determined to follow the rule that said he had to give Lindsay a fancy meal — even though she told him plainly, "I don't need that. I just want to spend time with you."
He cooked anyway. He spent more on ingredients than dinner out would have cost. And by the time they sat down, he had spent zero time with his wife and ruined the very moment he was trying to create.
"That's the best example I can give of what it's like to be married to Christ," Russ said, "but still think that in order to maintain, keep, earn, and save that relationship, you have to keep doing things, keep following rules. That's not true."
Romans 7:7–13 — What the Law Is Actually For
If the law isn't the way of salvation, what is it for? Paul gives three answers:
The law draws our attention to sin. "I would not have known what sin was had it not been for the law." (Romans 7:7)
The law exposes the acceleration of sin. Sin, seizing the commandment, "produced in me every kind of coveting" (Romans 7:8). Left unchecked, sin will take you further than you wanted to go and cost you more than you wanted to pay.
The law forces us to acknowledge our sinfulness. "In order that sin might be recognized as sin, it used what was good to bring about my death, so that through the commandment sin might become utterly sinful." (Romans 7:13)
The law's job, in other words, is to drive us to Jesus — to get us to finally accept the bottle of water being offered for free.
Keep Dancing with Jesus
For believers, the goal isn't to graduate from needing the gospel. It's to keep returning to it.
"The goal is to keep dancing with Christ," Russ said — "two steps forward, one step back. Two great days, then one day of 'Wow, I really messed that up.' We were never meant to eventually master it. We're supposed to just dance with Jesus and let him lead us where he's trying to take us."
When we stumble, Jesus doesn't look at us with disappointment. He says, "Will you keep dancing with me? Because we're married to each other."
You have been set free — set free from the rules to live in grace.
Two Questions to Sit With
Where in your life are you still trying to earn what God has already freely given you in Christ?
What "rule" have you been carrying that's quietly keeping you from simply being present with the One you're married to?
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Tim Keller
"Before you were a Christian, the law was a necessary evil. Now the law becomes the way to please the one who lived and died for you... Before you were a Christian, you were married to the law, and everything you were doing, you were doing thinking you were serving God — but really not. God is remote. Your real heart is in your performance... When you become a Christian, what happens is you die to the law. The law is no longer the way of salvation. Instead, the law now becomes the way to please the one you're married to."
"Seek with all you have to answer this question: Do you know what it means to be free from the law so that you are free to serve in the new way, the Spirit? If you find the answer, you find Christianity."
Dale Bruner
“[Romans 7] has been, from the beginning, the single most difficult chapter in the epistle for the church to interpret."
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Well, good morning. Welcome to Orchard Hill. Let me pray before we jump in.
Father, thank you for a chance to be together. Thank you for your Word and thank you for a chance to dive into it. Lord, I pray that the words I've prepared bring you glory. And the text that we look at — may it draw each of our hearts closer and deeper into your love for us. In your name we pray. Amen.
I want to start this morning off with a story, because I love stories. I think I've learned a lot from listening to other people's stories, and I want you to have a chance to hear one from me.
This week I did something historic — crazy, some would say. On Thursday, I went downtown Pittsburgh and experienced the NFL Draft live and in person. Absolutely amazing and awful all at once.
I've been best friends with Dan Irvin, the campus pastor at our Strip District location, since we were 18 or 19 years old. He's got two sons, one of them is Bennett's age, and it's been fun watching us grow up. The five of us got together and said, what an opportunity — as dads with sons — to go down and experience this once-in-a-lifetime thing in the city that we love, about a sport that we love.
Thursday also happened to be, coincidentally, Take Your Kid to Work Day. After the kids tested every marker in the church to make sure it still worked for Kidsburg (that took about 40 seconds), we said, why don't you go outside the church and hand out free bottles of water to people walking by? It was a beautiful day, getting warm, and tons of people were out. They were probably thirsty.
The kids made a sign that said "Free Water – Orchard Hill." They sat out there handing out water. After about 30 seconds, Dan and I realized we'd sent our kids outside by themselves and went out to join them.
I noticed something very quickly. Even though the sign said "Free," even though the boys were yelling "Free!" — when people came up, they hesitated. Almost all of them hesitated. And most of them — half of them — refused to take the bottle of free water unless they could pay for it. The boys had one rule: don't let people pay. And when they couldn't pay, people would not accept the free gift.
It was almost like I could hear their inner thoughts: there's no such thing as something free in life, and if it is free, it can't be trusted.
As I watched this play out, I began to think — this story might help us begin to understand what Romans 7:1–13 is about. If so many people struggle to accept the free gift of a bottle of water on a hot, fun day from a bunch of kids, how much more — and for the same reasons — might we struggle to accept the free gift of God's grace from our Heavenly Father? That's the question we're going to try to tackle today.
Living in Grace, Not in Rules
If I were to give a tagline — a title — to today's message, it would be this: Paul is going to try to help us see in Romans 7:1–13 that if we are to experience grace, we need to live in grace, not in rules.
Anytime I come across a complicated text, I like to go back to what I know to be true — the basics and foundations of the Christian faith, the gospel. Romans 7 comes right after Romans 6, and Romans 6 ends with one of the most popular verses in all of Scripture:
"For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 6:23, ESV)
We have to make sure that we don't move into chapter 7 until we fully embrace and understand what chapter 6, verse 23, means.
The Chair Illustration: The Gospel
The Bible tells us that we were created by God, in the image of him, to be in relationship with him. Everything that you and I would need in life — to feel that we are known, to have purpose and value and meaning, all the desires of our heart — we were meant to get from our Heavenly Father, our life source. This is what it was supposed to be like.
But the Scriptures tell us that each one of us sinned. We looked at God and said, "Thanks, but no thanks. I want to be my own God. No one gets to tell me what is right and wrong, or what I have to or don't have to do. I'm going to go find life and establish it my own way." And in doing so, we turned our backs to God. This is how sin enters the world. We separated ourselves from our Life source.
Romans 6:23 says, "For the wages of sin is death." We separated ourselves. And sin — like a barrier — is infinitely wide, infinitely deep, and infinitely tall. No matter what we do on our best days — following the rules, doing what we're supposed to, saying we're sorry, trying to earn our way back — we cannot change our situation. Even if we followed the rules perfectly, we cannot return to relationship with God on our own. For the wages of sin is death.
But the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus. God, out of his grace, freely sends his Son to do for us what we could never do for ourselves. Jesus goes to the cross, becomes sin for us, pays the price of our sin, and destroys the barrier — eliminates it — so that you and I, if we look to Jesus and recognize that he is our Savior, can turn our lives back to God, put our faith in Jesus, and once again have relationship. Because the barrier of sin, thanks to Jesus, has been removed.
Romans 7:1–3 — The Marriage Illustration
This is the posture from which Paul writes. He is now addressing those who would call themselves followers and believers of Jesus — those who have recognized their sin, put their faith in Jesus, and reestablished relationship with God. He is saying: if you don't understand what it means to live in grace, and you continue to try to live in rules, you are going to miss out on what this relationship was created and designed for.
"Do you not know, brothers and sisters — for I am speaking to those who know the law — that the law has authority over someone only as long as that person lives? For example, by law, a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive. But if her husband dies, she is released from the law that binds her to him. So then, if she has sexual relations with another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress if she marries another man." (Romans 7:1–3)
Before Jesus died on the cross, each of us was married to the law. Just as a wife is bound to her husband, we were limited in how we could relate to God. When God gave us the law, the law was — and still is, and remains — good. It was given so that people could understand the character and nature of God and know how to live in a way that glorifies him, sustains life, and shows his love to others. The only thing we could do to maintain a limited connection to God before Jesus was follow these laws. But no one could follow them perfectly. And even if you could, the law was never intended or created to save you. We still needed a Savior. The law's job is to point you to the reality that you need a Savior.
Once Jesus came and died on the cross and paid the debt of our sin, we are no longer married to the law — in the same way that when a woman's husband dies, she is no longer bound to him. She has been set free to pursue a new relationship, a new way of life.
Because of Jesus, you have been set free. No longer married to the rules, to the law. You are set free to pursue a new relationship — one with God — that you don't have to do anything to gain, earn, or pay for. Jesus has already done it. You just get to accept it, receive it, believe it, and learn to live in God's grace.
This is how Tim Keller describes it:
"Before you were a Christian, the law was a necessary evil. Now the law becomes the way to please the one who lived and died for you... Before you were a Christian, you were married to the law, and everything you were doing, you were doing thinking you were serving God — but really not. God is remote. Your real heart is in your performance... When you become a Christian, what happens is you die to the law. The law is no longer the way of salvation. Instead, the law now becomes the way to please the one you're married to."
Romans 7:4–6 — Died to the Law, Delivered to Grace
"So, my brothers and sisters, you also died to the law through the body of Christ, that you might belong to another — to him who was raised from the dead — in order that we might bear fruit for God. For when we were in the realm of the flesh, sinful passions aroused by the law were at work in us, so that we bore fruit for death. But now, by dying to what once bound us, we have been released from the law so that we serve in the new way of the Spirit and not in the old way of the written code." (Romans 7:4–6)
If I could sum up verses 4 through 6 in two sentences: Verses 4 and 5 tell us that we have died to the law in Christ. We're no longer married to it. We no longer have to keep performing to maintain our standing. Jesus died for us so that we could enter into relationship. And verse 6 tells us that we have been delivered from the law.
To look at the cross and not see the free gift of God's grace is to say to God, "I would rather still live in rules, not grace, to maintain my relationship with you." And when we do that — as hard as this is to hear — we're essentially saying, "God, your Son died for nothing, because I want to keep living by the rules."
A Second Marriage Illustration
Let me give another marriage illustration, because I think they help. My wife Lindsay and I got married when we were 21 and 22 years old, and we went right into full-time ministry. Young and full-time ministry equals broke. After you've been married for a year, you have to start celebrating anniversaries. The first one's a big one — you've got to prove to your wife that she didn't make a mistake.
I knew I was supposed to take my wife out to a fancy restaurant. But we couldn't afford that. So I thought: I'll just cook her a meal that will blow her mind, and it'll be just like going out. And you know what my wife said to me? She said, "I don't need that. I just want to spend time with you. I just want to be with you, remember how much fun we've had that year, and talk about our hopes and dreams for years to come."
I looked her dead in her eyes and said, "No." Because I was operating out of a rule I thought I had to follow.
I didn't spend one minute with my wife on our anniversary, because all day long I was running around trying to cook a meal I was not qualified to cook. I spent more money buying ingredients we didn't own than I would have if we'd just gone out to dinner. And by the time we got to the dinner, there was no love between us. I ruined the moment. I ran from the relationship, thinking I was doing the thing that would keep the relationship.
That's the best example I can give of what it's like to be married to Christ — to be in relationship with God — but still think that in order to maintain, keep, earn, and save that relationship, you have to keep doing things, keep following rules. That's not true.
What God desires is to be in relationship with us. What he's saying to each of us is: "I have taken care of everything by sending my Son to make this relationship possible. I just want you to come and be with me. You don't have to do anything. You don't have to start or stop or clean yourself up. Just come be in relationship with me."
Romans 7:7–13 — The Ministry of the Law
Paul now jumps into verses 7 through 13 to show us that the law — God's law — is not bad or evil. The law has always been and remains good.
First, in verse 7, Paul shows us that the law draws our attention:
"What shall we say then? Is the law sinful? Certainly not! Nevertheless, I would not have known what sin was had it not been for the law. For I would not have known what coveting really was if the law had not said, 'You shall not covet.'" (Romans 7:7)
Part of the ministry of the law is to draw our attention to the fact that we are sinners. The law's job is to get you to see that you are not okay — that by continuing to try to follow these rules to earn God's favor and grace, you are already dead and there's nothing you can do about it. You need a Savior. No matter how good you get at keeping the laws, if you don't recognize Jesus for who he is, you've missed the relationship.
Next, in verses 8 through 12, Paul shows us that the law helps us recognize our acceleration into sin:
"But sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, produced in me every kind of coveting. For apart from the law, sin was dead. Once I was alive apart from the law; but when the commandment came, sin sprang to life and I died. I found that the very commandment that was intended to bring life actually brought death. For sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, deceived me and through the commandment put me to death. So then, the law is holy, and the commandment is holy, righteous and good." (Romans 7:8–12)
The law helps us see not only that we are sinful, but how deeply sinful we are — and that our sin is accelerating. Sin, if left unchecked, will accelerate, and eventually sin will take you further than you want to go, keep you longer than you wanted to stay, and cost you more than you wanted to pay.
Finally, in verse 13, Paul shows us that the law forces us to acknowledge our sinfulness:
"Did that which is good, then, become death to me? By no means! Nevertheless, in order that sin might be recognized as sin, it used what was good to bring about my death, so that through the commandment sin might become utterly sinful." (Romans 7:13)
The purpose of the law is to draw our attention to our sin, show us how nasty its acceleration is, and get us to acknowledge that we are sinners in desperate need of a Savior. We need a bottle of water, and someone to offer it to us for free. But we have to be willing to accept the gift.
How Do We Apply This?
In order to experience grace, we have to learn to live in grace, not in rules. To live in grace, we have to see that because of Jesus' death on the cross — and our belief in it — we are no longer married to the law. We are married to Christ. And that has set us free to pursue a new way of life, a new relationship with God the Father, and to receive it.
We have to shut down what we've been told our whole lives: that there's no such thing as something free in life, and if it's free, it can't be trusted. We have to trust the Word of God. Paul will say later in Romans 10:9 — another hall-of-fame verse:
"If you declare with your mouth, 'Jesus is Lord,' and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved." (Romans 10:9)
We have to believe that, trust that, receive it, and then start living in this truth.
Tim Keller says: "Seek with all you have to answer this question: Do you know what it means to be free from the law so that you are free to serve in the new way, the Spirit? If you find the answer, you find Christianity."
Dale Bruner, one of my favorite commentators, says this about Romans 7: it has been, from the beginning, the single most difficult chapter in the epistle for the church to interpret. This is complicated stuff — but what it's pointing to is very simple: You are loved by the God of the universe, who wants nothing more than to be in relationship with you. And God says, through his Son Jesus, "I've taken care of it all. Just come and be with me. Stay with me. Remain in me. And when you do, you will bear fruit."
A Word for Believers
For believers in the room — and I have to speak this to myself every day — I have to remember that I am married to Jesus. Every day I have to tell myself that, because every day I'm stumbling, fumbling, and falling back into old ways and old habits. I have to remember that I'm married to Christ in the same way I have to remember every day that I'm married to my wife Lindsay.
There will be days when I screw up and hurt Lindsay's feelings, and I do something stupid. Every time I'm finally able to go to Lindsay and admit it, I am blown away and shocked by the grace she extends to me. If my wife is able to extend that level of grace to me, how much more is God able to extend his grace to us when we bring to him our stumblings and our fumblings — our old habits and old ways — and say, "I'm sorry. I was trying to do it on my own. I forgot that I'm married to you. Give me grace. Help me."
As followers of Christ, the goal is never to somehow graduate from needing the gospel. The goal is to keep dancing with Christ — two steps forward, one step back. Two great days, then one day of "Wow, I really messed that up." We were never meant to eventually master it. We're supposed to just dance with Jesus and let him lead us where he's trying to take us. And when we take that one step back, Jesus doesn't look at us with disappointment or shame. He says, "Will you keep dancing with me? Because we're married to each other."
Don't fall back into old ways and old habits — Paul's warning about trying to follow rules and earn what's already been freely given to you in the name of Jesus.
Ask yourself: Is there an area in my life as a follower of Christ where I struggle to believe this? Where I think, "I don't know if God's grace can handle what I'm about to give to him"? He can. He has. The battle you're fighting, if you're a believer, has already been won in the name of Jesus. Just keep dancing with him.
A Word for Those Still Seeking
If you would say today that your chair isn't facing the Lord right now — you're still trying to figure all this out — living a life apart from Christ, living by the rules, is like running the marathon of life in all its exhaustion and demands, running so thirsty, reaching for anything you think might satisfy, and it never working out.
The good news is that the free gift of God's grace is being offered to you right now. Those who believe in their heart and declare with their mouth that Jesus is Lord — a relationship is available for you today, too. And if you think finally getting a free bottle of water after running a marathon tastes good and is refreshing to your soul — Jesus is so, so much better.
If that's where you are, you bring my heart great joy that you are trying to figure this out. Orchard Hill is a great place to do that. Instead of running from the Lord, run to him. Let him meet you. Let his grace overwhelm you to the point where you can't help but say, "I believe this. I want to receive this." And fight that voice that says, "If it's free, it can't be trusted." God can be trusted.
Closing and Communion
We're going to close our time together by continuing to worship and partaking in communion. Communion is an opportunity for believers to symbolically remember that they have accepted God's free gift of grace by putting their faith and trust in Jesus. Coming forward into communion is saying: "I acknowledge that I'm a sinner in desperate need of a Savior. Jesus, I need you. Thank you that you died on the cross — that your body was broken (which is what the bread represents) and that your blood was shed to pay the debt of my sin (which is what the wine represents)."
If that's true of you, you're invited during worship to come forward and partake in communion. And if you're still on the fence — still wrestling — all you have to do, even during this worship song, is say to yourself and to the Lord: "Lord, I am a sinner in desperate need of a Savior. Thank you for your Son. I believe in him. I want a relationship with you." You are invited to come forward and partake, too. And if that's true, please come find one of us. I want to celebrate with you.
And if it's still not true today, keep coming back. Keep seeking, with everything that you have, until you find and trust that this answer is true.
You have been set free — set free from the rules to live in grace.
Father, thank you for your Word. Thank you for your Son, Jesus. Thank you for what communion is and what it symbolizes. May we live in grace. In your name we pray. Amen.
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AI Usage Disclaimer: This transcript has been cleaned and formatted with the assistance of artificial intelligence (Claude by Anthropic). Filler words have been removed, grammar has been updated for readability, and the text has been lightly edited for clarity and flow. Every effort has been made to preserve the speaker's original words, intent, and meaning as closely as possible. This document is intended for reference and ministry use.
